Confessions from a Night Manny

As most of you know, Brett had another surgery on Thursday. I am happy to report that the surgery went well and Brett is recovering back at Craig Hospital. He is experiencing some pain from the surgery but this is related to the surgical incision in the back of his neck. The most important thing to stress is that the doctors are very happy with the surgery and their ability to correct some alignment issues in his neck.

Now on to the non-important information that I believe is essential to my visit.

I arrived late Thursday night in Denver to re-establish my role as the ‘Night Manny’. Apparently, I have an innate ability to go for days without sleep. This trait has thoroughly impressed Kelly and she continues to turn to me when an overnight stay is needed.

I should note that I learned this trick along time ago during my college days. Whenever semester or final exams rolled around, I would pack my bags and follow Brett up to campus to “study”. Brett has always been one to procrastinate and then cram all the information into his head the night before the test. When I was young, I would doze off at the library and Brett would walk over and smack me upside the head and remind me that my parents wouldn’t let me come back to college if I didn’t pass. Immediately, I would sit up and begin to memorize anything that might be asked on the exam. I didn’t want to miss out on a single social gathering that was planned for the following semester. Although we both became experts at “all nighters”, there was one difference that remains the same to this day. Brett remembers everything he learned during those late night sessions. I, on the other hand, have forgotten most of that knowledge.

As I walked into Brett’s room at the hospital on Thursday evening, I looked around and it reminded me of my fraternity house. The walls were cold and the ceiling had a large round circle, full of plaster. I could only conclude that this room had a leak recently and the handyman attempted to make art work out of plaster to hide the hole. I quickly turned to Kelly and asked, “Did you lose your health insurance?”

The hospital also lacked the amenities that Brett has come to enjoy at Craig Hospital.
A lift to move him from the chair to the bed.
A machine to help him cough.
Nurses who know how to “Quad Cough” him.
Although the staff was very helpful and patient with us, they immediately learned that Brett knew more than them about his condition and wanted to send him back to Craig Hospital.

The following day, Kelly and I put on our salesman hats and went to work, trying to convince the staff at the hospital to send us back to Craig. (Although I am thankful that Kelly does not work in the same industry as I do, I must say that the two of us have the ability to fix any situation so that we get the desired outcome). About noon on Friday, the doctors informed us that we were being transferred back to Craig Hospital.

Back at Craig, we all sighed and enjoyed the fact that “we were home again”. Brett referred to it as being upgraded from the Motel 6 back to the Marriott. He was much happier too. All the nurses, doctors, patients, etc. showed up at his door to see how he was doing and make sure that the surgery went well. I am certain that this is not a surprise to most of you, as Brett seems to draw a crowd wherever he goes.

Although he was in pain and trying to sleep from the surgery, he continued to brainstorm and plan for tomorrow.
“Keithy, where are we at with Christmas trees”
“Keithy, did you get the computers over to Chan’s house?”
“Mackie, make sure you go tell everyone I am back. I plan on running for Governor of this hospital”
I realize the last point is a bit far fetched (but not out of the realm of possibility); I need to give some accolades to my cousin Keith. He has certainly done a great job at helping Brett keep his businesses going.

It should be known that ever since Brett has arrived at Craig Hospital, he has lived in fear of one thing and one thing only: the nurses painting his toe nails while he slept. Each morning at the hospital, Brett awakes, and the first thing out of his mouth is “check my toe nails.” Each morning, I remove his socks and confirm that they look just like any other toe nail; clear and ugly.

Of course, I quickly pick up on this fear and begin to scheme my exit strategy. I devise a plan prior to my departure on Sunday morning.
- Obtain toe nail polish
- Wait until the nurses depart for the evening
- Listen for the victim to begin snoring
- Remove his Ted hoses (socks)
- Begin painting

Now, the simplest way for me to accomplish this task would be to just ask the nurses for some toe nail polish, but that would have been too easy. I needed to have more to my story so I began to brainstorm a strategy. Kelly is due to arrive on Saturday evening with the kids to visit Brett. I’ll head out to the store and pick up some nail polish.
Return to the hospital. Commit the devilish crime and disappear in the morning before anyone detects a thing.

That evening Kelly arrives as planned. I tell everyone I am going to go for a walk. I head out to the grocery store to purchase some nail polish. When I arrive at the store, I quickly find a grocery clerk in the cosmetics aisle. I immediately ask, “Do you have any finger/toe nail polish.” She looks at me with an odd grin and says “I believe the only thing we have is clear nail polish”.

Clear nail polish is not going to provide me with the WOW FACTOR I am looking to make during this “sting.” I, realizing that it is 8PM on a Saturday night (without a car), turn to her and say “that’s not going to work. I need something PINKish. Do you know where I can get nail polish at this hour?” She replies that the only place in town is Walmart and that is about two miles away.

Instead of shrugging my shoulders and walking away defeated, I turn to her and say “do you have any in your purse?” Her eyes widen as she begins to process the question. “Yes, I do but it is metallic blue”. I respond quickly, “Perfect, how much do you want for it.” After a quick bartering session we settle on a price of three dollars. I happily pay her for the paraphernalia and go skipping back to the hospital with a grin on my face.

Later that evening, I watch as the nurses rotate in and out of the room.
- Changing his clothes
- Administering pain pills
- Checking blood pressure
- Taking temperatures

I know this routine well as I have watched this process occur night in and night out for the past few weeks.

Finally, the door closes at 10:30pm and I spring into action. Brett is sound asleep. I tip-toe towards him and remove his socks. I begin to create a masterpiece as I giggle to myself. I even remember to put a napkin below his feet to ensure that I don’t splash any nail polish on to the sheets. I wouldn’t want the nurses to catch me before I depart in the morning.

Earlier in the evening, I asked the nurses for a blank envelope. They happily provided me one not knowing that they now are an accomplice to this crime.

Upon completion, I headed over to the desk and grab an 8x11 piece of paper. I take out my nail polish and script a message specifically for Kelly. Once completed, I placed the paper inside the envelope and seal it tightly. On the outside I addressed the letter:

To: Kelly
From: Mac

In the morning, I departed to the airport and caught a flight to Seattle. When I landed, I checked my voicemail and email; NOTHING

I began to wonder if Kelly has arrived yet to greet Brett. Had she seen the note that I left strategically placed on the counter where everyone could see it?

My mind begins to wonder.

Maybe they didn’t know it was me. Maybe the nurses, empathetic to Brett’s charm, had removed the graffiti from his toes…

I climbed in my car and departed the airport. Suddenly, my phone beeps. It was a text message. I opened it up and clicked on the attachment. My crime was a success:

The Evidence

Special Ceiling Decor at St Anthony's